Happy New Year and I’m In Control

10 years ago

I don’t make new year’s resolutions, but on this first day of 2013, I so happened to try something for the first time that just might change my life.

It was a very grumpy December at ours this year. My husband worked ridiculous hours over the holidays, our boys’ sleep has been affected by seasonal excitement, and they’ve been feeling the absence of Dad; another reason for interrupted sleep. We’ve all been exhausted, and when Mom and Dad are sleep deprived, we get very grumpy, and bicker and pick and poke at each other until it becomes emotionally exhausting. I get to the point where I just want to cry, or kick my husband in the balls as hard as possible.  

Today, in typical exhausted form, my husband began to push my buttons (not that i didn’t push his at some point during the day). He started in… I could feel my blood begin to simmer. He poked again, and again, and in no time, my blood was boiling. Normally, I would poke back, but I suddenly heard a voice saying in my head, “you’re in control… you’re in control… you’re in control… you’re in control”.  I said it over and over again, and before I knew it, he had stopped pushing, and I was calm. I was so proud of myself for not losing my shit!! I felt empowered and hopeful that kicking my husband in the balls just might not happen in 2013.

I’m in control.  I hope I can keep it up…